Digging Deep: An Answer To A Tough Question

School week 2 of my exchange program at Robert Gordon University. I thought I missed going to school, having the alternating schedule, writing papers, struggling through books etc. Frankly I didn’t. It took me until now to figure out what I really was missing, and still am.

I have had a few people ask me what I wanted to do with my education. Still a really tough question, but I am going to try to explain. First of all, that question lead me a few times to ask the other person the same thing. The answers I got were all pretty straight forward and Β most of them seemed to know exactly what they want to achieve in life and where they’re going. Either earning money, getting the whole house-car-wife-kids-dog package, starting their own business, climb up the career ladder etc. And here I am, thinking I just want to do something that I enjoy, all the time, every aspect, whatever that may be in the future. Seriously, it’s not an answer people expect to hear (trust me, I have experience) and just leads to awkward discussions.

Discussions that are way to personal and leaves them thinking I’m one of those cliche girls. An I-just-want-to-be-happy kind of girl, but I’m not like that. I have a perfectly clear, non-cliche girl explanation (or so I think) for this big question and I will show you by giving an example.

For this exchange program, I had to choose 1 course, consisting of 4 modules. However, my university back home would not let me take 1 of those modules due to my course content coming up so I had to pick another one. The 3 remaining original modules are exactly my problem — they don’t interest me what so ever. Globalisation, Organisational Behaviour and Brand Management. Can it get any more boring?

This is exactly where my problem lies. As soon as I’m not interested in something, I find it really difficult to motivate myself. A major weakness I’m not particularly proud of, but am fully aware of. I can just hear my mom saying to me for the nth time: “Life is not always fun and easy, just hold on”. But why can’t it always be fun? Why can’t I just do something that’s fun and interesting, all the time?

Let me answer that myself. Because life can be a bitch, that’s why. Now back to the reality. I did choose this exchange program, this school, this course myself, right? (Not entirely correct, but let’s not dwell on that.) It’s all about investing in my future. Just to get a diploma, have a back up plan. Because to be honest, I don’t even know if I want a serious job right away. Why not try to find something that’s fun and interesting– all the time? Combine everything that I like to do and try to make a living from that. How cool would that be? And if it doesn’t work, there’s always the back up plan, the diploma. Or a supermarket.

Enough blabbering about negative stuff and back to the modules. The 4th module kind of makes up for the other 3. I chose this bad boy because it seemed really interesting. Something that would motivate me and I would actually enjoy. Photojournalism. IΒ Love it. Working with a camera, looking at photo’s in a different way, playing with composition and selecting photo’s of your own taste. It’s the one class I look forward to.

One of the best parts of studying at RGU are the societies and sports teams you can join. After almost 4 years of not touching a football, this felt like the right time to jump back in and join the football team. The best decisions I made here. Even though they make me look like an idiot trying to kick a ball, I enjoy every minute of it. Being part of a team, out in the fresh air, losing some aggression and having nights out with the team. It’s awesome.

So what is it exactly that I’m missing? Doing what I want, whenever I want? Being free and have no commitments whatsoever? Having fun all the time? Not being told what to do? Not having any homework? It seems the things I’m missing now and what I want to do in life after university, are pretty much tied together. Perhaps it has something to do with my impatience..But lets not dig any deeper. I suppose I should just keep it real and suck it up, I’m in freakin’ Scotland!

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9 thoughts on “Digging Deep: An Answer To A Tough Question

  1. Everybody in the world ‘ just wants to be happy ‘ and yet, when we strive for just that it feels like the world and everyone in it is against that idea . I totally ‘get’ what you are saying and have also had those conversations where I was made to feel stupid, irresponsible and unrealistic for wanting to follow my hearts path and be happy. There is nothing ignoble about wanting to be your authentic self and doing what makes you feel happy – Imagine a world were humans were HAPPY !! happy people dont pick fights, dont do ugly things to other creatures, make a mess, f–k up their children, hate other races/religions … … … so I say great self inquiry going on Kyley, its a good sign. I knew you were meant for more than just a template life, go for it !!
    Also, In my opinion – Dont put too much importance on education, it wont mean very much later on … The current education system is outdated and I predict – on its way out. Drop out now and join the ranks of other creative successful people who are the pioneers of a new world… ( just joking about dropping out ) ( just saying that so your Mum wont be angry with me )

    • It’s what makes people happy. Some are fine with a job, wife and a nice house, some want more in life. You are the perfect example of following your heart and I really admire that!
      Dropping out is not really an option for me now though. Eventhough it’s not always fun or relevant, I want to be able to say I have a bachelors degree! Something I never really thought I would be able to do or complete for some reason. And now I’m so close, it’s worth sucking it up for now. My time to shine will come!

  2. Exactly, dear! Your last scentence sums it all up!!! Just enjoy what you are given and handed to you on the silver platter of life! Who gets a chance to go to Ghana, Australia, Bali, Thailand and Shotland before the age of 22? Try not to look beyond and keep wanting more but try to enjoy what you have and where you’re at. And Tanya, I do hope you are joking about dropping out….haha. Not in my book!
    I have lived in Canada for 10 years, and for ten years I kept looking for something better because I missed home too much. And once I came back home to Holland I wonded why the hell I did not stay in Canada. I then told myself that life is what you get, and it’s up to yourself to make the most of it! So enjoy today and stop wondering about tomorrow.
    Xxx Your Mom.

  3. Well for the Beautiful things to start with, you are one greater learner. I can see that in your words that you surely know what you want and you are able to express that in such a great way. At your age, not everyone gets what you already have collected. The years of travel, those adventures, that lust to enjoy your life, that travel bug – you sure are doing great. If I can add anything here, i would say somewhere in my old blogs I sure have expressed the same feelings for how you exactly feel now.
    If I can tell one thing looking back in time from now is – you have lots coming to you in future. You are one very talented person but just look after that you do not let it get away once you start to find yourself in a routine of things in life.

    What you’ll end up doing, no one knows but one thing that surely will be there is your own inspiration. Keep it in the same way πŸ™‚ Good luck.

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